Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears(eyes?), and I shall bore you with a rant about Old Navy sandals.

It has been decided Sarah is no longer allowed to wear any kind of footwear other than sneakers. It has also been decided Sarah is not allowed to talk about herself in the third person, but Sarah has been doing that for so long that it will take a while for Sarah to stop.

Okay, so as a Christmas gift, I got clothes from Old Navy from my aunt in New Jersey who we really don't know well at all. So usually, whatever clothes she picks out for us we don't like and we exchange them. So I decide to get a pair of sandals because, for serious, every single girl I know has a pair of Old Navy sandals. So I get this pair in a really pretty shade of blue and I'm all excited about it.

The day finally comes to break the bad boys in. All I can say is: OH. MY. GOD.

How in the FUCK do you girls wear these things?!?!?! No, seriously. How???

First of all: the things were seriously slicing up my toes. I mean...ow. I was almost late to the class I was heading to because there was an extra FORTY FIVE MINUTES added on to my walking time since I had to start CRAWLING at one point. Okay, that's not true. But the pain made the walking time seem to increase a million fold.

And then, THEN, I almost tripped, oh, let's see, one, two...SEVENTEEN GAJILLION TIMES. In all fairness though, that happens every single time I've worn open toed shoes, and, come to think of it, happens quite a bit when I'm wearing sneakers too. Silly Sarah.

Oh, but the saga continues. So I finally get to my class and it takes about the whole hour that the class lasts for my legs to calm down since, ya know, they were ON FIRE. We're dismissed, and I brace myself for what is sure to be a rough trek back to the dorm. I step out to see that it's rained, and there are puddles everywhere. Have you tried to walk through a puddle wearing jeans and sandals? Hmmm? Oh, be sure to try it. It's a blast. Feels great.

I'm sure it's just me and that I'm too stupid to wear these medieval torture devices sandals. So if someone far more intelligent than I is in the market for a pair of sandals, please send $250 to:

Girlwhoistoodumbtowearsandalsbutheyatleastshehasbigboobs

c/o The Dorm of Loud People and the Smells that Plague Them at the University of Florida

Shit Town, FL 66669 (heh heh, 69)

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