Since we last left our hero:

- Okay, so back in May my mom and aunt went on a four day cruise to Mexico as a reward to themselves for putting up with me and my cousin for 20 and 17 years, respectively. There was gambling on the ship. Mom and Aunt liked the gambling. So when their four days of hedonism and debauchery were up and they had to return to their normal lives, complete with whining ungrateful kids and cooking and cleaning, they decided to recapture a little bit of those four days by gambling at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. They found out that unlike most casinos where you have to be 21 to get in, this fine establishment is 18 and up. So, I did my part to help the Seminole tribe and took a trip with them. This was...mid June I guess? Yeah, my mom and I have pretty much gone 2-3 times a week each week since then and spent about, oh...$300 bucks EACH TIME. Pretty bad, huh? Horrible, you say? Greedy bottom dwelling addicts you've become, says you? Well screw you! We do it for the Native Americans, man. Don't judge us!!!
Ahem. Since gambling has lit up our lives with its neon glow, I've learned one thing: if you go in a group, be it two or 1,025, only one person will walk away a winner. And if that person isn't you, no matter how long you stay and how many machines you play at, you will lose every single time. You could piss away $200 in five spins. The casino gods are such BITCHES! Unlike the regular God, who doesn't like the gays and made George W. Bush our leader.

-I've rekindled my love affair with The State. Oh it's good. It's so so good. I loved the show like woah when I was a kid, but now that I'm older and understand more? Forget it. God bless the internet for making this fantastic show (and the shows that have stemmed from it, like Reno 911! and Stella) available and showing me how great this show was. Because any show that has this:

"Hi there. I'm an on air personality. Ya know, after a tough day shooting my hit television series, The State, there's nothing I enjoy more than having some unprotected sex. Not only do those orgasms feel terrific, but afterwards, I fall right to sleep. Hey, it's better than taking pills! Just kidding."

on their first episode is a show I would take a bullet for.

- I've been on an Ingrid Bergman kick lately. In June, she was AMC's "Star of the Month" and they showed a bunch of her movies. And I think if you watch enough old movies from the 30's and 40's, you start to get surprised about how much stuff they actually let in that didn't seem to cause much controversy. I mean, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" in Gone With the Wind made ladies faint in the theater, but a movie about ABORTION gets made four years earlier? I mean, it was made in Sweden and maybe Europe was more liberal than America, but I mean...abortion? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD ABORTIONS IN 1935. Did you? Oh, and then of course there's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which should've really been called Dr. Pounce on You Like a Jackal and Mr. Hide Your Women Because He Will RAPE THEM AND MAKE THEM HIS SLAVE. Seriously people, there's a dream sequence where he's riding a chariot with two horses and he's whipping them and then the horses turn in to the two women he's in love with (yeah...it's pretty weird) and he...just continues whipping them. With A LOT of pleasure. And another dream sequence with Ingrid writhing and moaning in pleasure while you see a cork popping out from a bottle...? For God's sake, I've seen less blatant sexuality in soft core porn on Showtime! That was a disturbing movie, let me tell you.

-Finally, let me tell you this story. Our car Wug was having problems. My mom went to see how much it would be to fix it. The answer: a lot. We've had Wug since 1998 and though he has served us well, my mom just felt it was time for a new car. So we go looking around this past Sunday. It was between a Saturn Ion, a Ford Focus, and a Chevy Cobalt. The Chevy dealer was closed, so we didn't even look at the Cobalt. We liked the Ion and the Focus a lot and were having a tough time choosing between them. Mom decided on the Focus. Now, she had been approved for two loans: one through Capital One and one through Ford (I guess she kinda knew, although she'd never admit it, that she was getting the Focus before we went looking). So at dinner that night when we were still deliberating about which car to get, we started joking about just getting both. "Use the Ford loan to buy the Focus and the Capital One loan to buy the Ion!" We laughed, but then she seriously started to consider doing it. "I piss my money away anyway, why not have it be on something useful and not on jewelery from QVC?" was her reasoning. So, before I knew it, in a Grade A example of why every other country hates America, we picked up the Focus today (lovingly dubbed Sweetpea) AND we are heading out to the Saturn dealer sometime this week to talk about payments on my very own Ion (because while my mom liked the Focus, I fell in love with the Ion). I'm still in shock and I don't think it's hit me yet, but that hasn't stopped me from looking at accesories and picking out the name Ringo Cronus (Ringo because Saturn=rings, get it?! Ha ha ha ha! HOW AM I NOT FAMOUS YET? And Cronus because that is the Greek eqivalent of the Roman God Saturn. Yeah, Classics nerd alert, I know, I know).

Before I end this, I'd like to make a request. If this is your first time stopping by my little corner of the web, just drop a little note to let me know. It doesn't even have to be nice. Seriously, I'd rather have "oh my god you should NOT be allowed in Western civilization with a thought process like you have" than have lurking. This is, for me, the worst thing about being able to see the IP addresses of the people who come visit your blog. Because I check them and, for example, I had someone from Iran visit. And then I drive myself insane thinking "how did they end up here? Did I make them hate Americans more? What were they looking for? WHY WHY WHY?" and so on. I lose sleep over it. So please. Just a quick note in the guestbook is all I ask, just an "Arash was here." It would be appreciated.

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