Did I ever tell you the story of my first period? I find it hilarious, as far as period stories go.
I was in fifth grade. I was already pretty well informed about the horrors of puberty so I knew what a period was.
Backstory: my teacher in fifth grade, Mrs. Ford, felt strongly that us kids should know what's going on in the world. She would set aside 30 minutes each week for us to just read the newspaper from whatever day newspaper day happened to fall on.
So, its newspaper day. I happened to come across an article about a woman who had bled to death from her vagina after a botched abortion. Yikes, right?
So, and I think you can see where this is going, later on that day I come home to find SPOTS OF BLOOD ON MY UNDERWEAR.
Looking back, I find it approiate this journey I'm taking with my menstrual cycle started on that note. It's been horrible. A doctor of bad parts told me there's something wrong with my uterus or something which makes my period highly irregular. Some months I won't get it, some months it lasts the entire month. There have been plenty of stained pants, as you can imagine. Which is, of course, not embarassing at all.
Oh my God, WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT MY PERIOD??? Dudes, I don't even know. I'm so sorry.
Maybe its because I have a feeling that it's coming sometime soon, as I am feeling extra emotional.
I was a half hour into my hour long drive to school today when I realize that, DAMNIT!, I totally forgot my parking pass.
"Okay, okay, calm down. I'll just pay the $3 for a visitor's pass and all will be peachy keen," I thought. I went back to listening to "Sunglasses at Night" without a care in the world.
Get to visitor's parking lot. "Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no" I'm thinking to myself as I go get my backpack from the trunk since that's where I keep my wallet.
My wallet.
FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!
The wallet. Was on. The kitchen counter. WITH THE GODDAMN PARKING PASS.
The counter that I was supposed to, ya know, GLANCE AT before I left for school so I wouldn't FORGET THEM.
FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!
Okay, option b: park at a meter.
Wait-do I have quarters? No. No I DO NOT. Shit!
The end of this story? I got my first ticket. God it hurts to say that. I am such a cautious driver, you have no idea. And yeah, its only a parking citation for $15 for being at an expired meter...but still. It makes me sick to my stomach.
And I am sooooo looking forward to what my mother has to say about this. Gah. One thing about me? I'm more concerned about what my mom thinks of me than what I think of myself. And I just know she's going to be livid as all hell and I just don't want to deal with that.
And once she calms down, I'm still going to have to hear about this from every single member of my family for the rest of my natural born life. If they aren't making fun of me ("you didn't get pulled over today, did you Speed Racer?"), it'll be "make sure you have your parking pass!" or "do you have extra quarters with you in case of an emergency?" every. single. time. I go out.
FUCKING METER MAIDS! THEY RUIN LIVES!
So that got me upset. And then I come to the library (leaving the ticket on my window in all its glory so I'm not given another ticket)and read some blogs to cheer up only to find my favorite writer is being treated like shit by her stupid roommmates. I felt so bad for her, and it's like, woah there tiger, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER. So then I started getting on myself for being such a nerd.
Not the coolest day in the Magical Land of Sarah. Thank GOD for fresh Gilmore Girls tonight.

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