Hi guys.

So...I just got back from seeing The Passion of the Christ.

If you are thinking of seeing it, allow me to indulge in my unfavorable rant about it before you add to the money it has already made.

So, it's supposed to be about the last twelve hours of Jesus's life.

And it felt like it was shot in real time.

Things I Did Not About The Passion of the Christ.

By:Sarah

1)Let's start from the beginning. There were no trailers. Okay, I'm one of those people that LOVE the trailers. Sometimes, I will go to a movie JUST TO SEE THE TRAILERS. I can't get enough trailers. And there were none before we're thrown into this film. That's just artistic snobbery right there folks.

2)The beginning of the movie takes place at night. The cinematographer and the lighting guys should be SLAPPED. I could not see one thing. At all. The guys all looked the same, I had no idea what was going on, it was just real annoying.

3)Also, this is supposed to be the part in the Bible where Jesus speaks my favorite line not just of the Bible, but of all literature. I could write a whole entry about how much I love this line. And Senor Gibson just decided it wasn't important enough for his precious movie.

4)Like I said above, all the guys looked pretty much the same. The only way I could tell which one was Jesus was because he was the one drenched in blood.

5)That last line leads to my biggest complaint about this movie. You may remember this line from Friends:"Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived!" Okay, if you subsitute the word "blood" for "garbage" you may get an idea of how much blood is in this movie. We spend, oh, 45 minutes watching Jesus get lashed. And when you think it's over? They turn him over. And it begins again. Sometimes, what you don't see is more disturbing. I think I would've been more bothered by just cries of agony and seeing reaction shots from the crowd rather than watch Jesus get whipped. Again. And again. And again. And AGAIN. Seeing a nail hammered into a hand, seeing a shoulder dislocated, seeing him(Him?) get whipped...all of that does not make me feel it more. It does not make me realize what this man actually went through. No. All it does is make me sad I didn't go see Starsky and Hutch(Vince Vaughn...will you marry me?). Less is more, Mel. Less. Is. More.

6)I can't believe I'm going to say what I'm about to say, but Genghis said it best:

"Anyways, the dumbest part of the movie is when Jesus is carrying the crucifix. It's a long scene where every five seconds one of the Roman guards will punch or kick him, and wild laughter will ensues.

And I'm not talking just an evil smirk, these guys are cracking up as if Dave Chappell is telling them jokes along the way.

*PUNCH

Roman Guard- 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH .....HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA'

(inhale)

'HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!'"

Honest to, well, God, Jesus falls so. many. times. during this scene that it became comical by the end. No. Seriously. I was laughing.

As I think everyone who has seen it has said, it sure is not living up to its hype.

I remember during the summer before my senior year in high school I went to a religious retreat at the University of Notre Dame. One night, we had to a watch a 5, 10 minute video. They didn't tell us what it would be about. The lights just kinda went out and it started. We see this Jesus-looking dude walking around a temple and "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner begins to play in the background. Okay, as soon as I heard that song, my eyes rolled so far back in my head I could see my brain. I mean...Foreigner? Really guys? FOREIGNER? How could I take this seriously? How could anyone? But whatever. My mum paid good money to get me there. So I would watch. And I did. And it went through his crucifixition. By the end of those 10 minutes, my jaw was on the floor. Before and after that, I had never been close to being that moved. Ever. We were supposed to go to confession after that, but I couldn't. Why? Because I couldn't speak. It affected me that much.

That little 10 minute film did more for me than this whole three day affair did. And that is a shame. Because this movie was so big, and could've reached so many people, revived the faith of some questioning person...but instead it just...doesn't. I mean...the other people in the theater seemed to be moved(my mom sure was-I tried to show off my knowledge of Latin but she seemed to actually be watching it) but I'm sure there has to be other people that agree with me when I say it could've been so much more.

So, overall, it gets a thumb down from Sarah.

HOWEVER, one thing that does get Sarah's seal of approval is Pontius Pilate. I mean, can I just say?: DAMN. I usually don't go for the macho manly-men types, but hooooo! That shaved head! That armor! That speaking of Latin! Impure thoughts. Very very very impure thoughts.

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