In the event that this turns out to be my last entry, I feel I owe my precious readers an explanation. You see...

TODAY I HAD A SHOT OF POISON INJECTED INTO MY ARM!!!

And again:!

In layman's terms...I got bit by an ant.

I had hopes to make this a serious entry with my thoughts on death, and I wouldn't have mentioned it, except that it's so itchy I'M ABOUT TO SCRATCH MY SKIN OFF.

Anyway.

As I said, this is going to be one of my serious, or at least unfunny, or at least there won't be an attempt at humor, entries. Feel free not to read it, seeing as how these "serious" entries have a history of sucking the largest and most premium donkey testicles.(copyright Lee,2004)

----------------------------------------

My great aunt Joann, who we(my family and I) are all very close with, has a rare form of brain cancer, and is on her last legs.

Any person with a heart would be hard pressed to find any traces of a silver lining in this. But this continuing experience(my family and I have been going down to her home in Fort Lauderdale a few times a month)has taught me something.

A while back, I wrote an entry about what it's like to be fat. I didn't want people to read it then, I don't really want them to read it now. I haven't been able to read it, even now, since I wrote it-I was in a lot of pain when it was written. I considered deleting it, but, ya know, what is a diary for if not to mark a moment? It's why it's so hard to have friends or people you know read it. You feel things, you get it off your chest in here, you get over it. Anyway, this is so far from the point I'm trying to make it's not even funny.

The reason I bring this entry up at all is because there's one part in there that says one pro of being fat is that I get to see what the world is really like. Seeing my great aunt going through cancer offers the same benefit.

When death is near, manifesting itself in cancer, a coma, or whatever else, you see what people are really like. You see whether they care enough about the person to stay by them, come see them. You see who's willing to change that person's diaper or let them vomit on them or let them yell at them and treat them like shit when they have never even come close to being as stressed and scared as they are at that moment. You see the true love that can exist between two human beings. You see emotion at it's rawest. This is what happens when an enemy presents itself that will never be able to be defeated.

When a person does not die unexpectedly, or go quietly in their sleep, and death decides to instead reveal itself gradually, when you are prepared for a person's death, there are things to be appreciated. You have a chance to say goodbye. To say the things you never had courage to before. To resolve things that you can now see were not important at all. You can offer them comfort when they have never needed it more. And, in the face of something so horrific, remember this and maybe it can provide you some comfort.

0 comments so far
<< & >>