Three more sets of questions. Keep sending more though! And to Evil, my mom(hee), and Lauren, much love for your questions.

From Evil:

1. If you could create your own perfect sitcom, what would it be about?

Oooh, tres interesting comrade. It would probably be Seinfeld esque(even though I hate Seinfeld) in that it would be about nothing, ya know? I think it would be about two best friends who had just graduated college and are trying to find a job in this market and dealing with guys and everything else and not really feeling like an adult even though it is the time when society considers them adults. I don't know.

2. Say you won twenty million dollars (after the government induced rape) in the lottery. What would you do with the cash?

Two words: male. prostitute.

3. Why does your dorm smell?

Another excellent question. A wise woman told me once that it was pheromones. My theory? One sorry bastard that lived here before me got so depressed he was at this shit school that he hanged himself. The punishment for every resident that lives here after that is the smell of the ghost's farts.

From my mom (yeah, I begged her to send me three questions):

1. what happened on the favorite day of your life so far?

Hmmm. Well... I think the favorite day of my life so far would have to be the first time I went on the campus of the University of Notre Dame. I was going to a religous retreat there the summer before my senior year of high school. It was five days long, and then I would be going back home for a couple of days, and then it was back to the home of the Fighting Irish for a three week pre college program I had been accepted into. Before this religious retreat, I had never been to Notre Dame, but I had wanted to go there for years. It was my obsession. I even wore a Notre Dame charm on the necklace I never take off. I visited the website for the school, like, daily, and I had seen all the pictures they had. I knew it was gorgeous...I knew what it looked like...but there is still nothing like seeing it in person. I was flying on the plane into South Bend regional airport, listening to one of the many cd's I had burned before the trip. I was lucky enough to have the window seat. A guy was sitting across the aisle from me and was reading a book on business. He looked so young that I didn't think he could be an actual businessman, so I thought to myself "oh my God!! An actual Notre Dame business student!!!" Yeah...that's how hyper I was. I thought on the plane when we were landing we might get a quick glimpse of the campus, so when the pilot told us we were starting our descent I looked out the window obsessively so I wouldn't miss the campus. Turns out when you fly into South Bend, you go RIGHT OVER the campus and you get the most incredible view you could ever hope for. I can't express how giddy I was when I saw all the campus landmarks. "HOLY SHIT! Is that Notre Dame stadium?! Joe Montana played there! RUDY played there! RUDDDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!

And, OH MY FUCKING GOD, TOUCHDOWN JESUS!!!! THAT'S TOUCHDOWN JESUS!!! HIIIIIIII TOUCHDOWN JESUS!!!

The Basilica of the Sacred Heart!! Ahhh!

OH MY GOD!!! THE GOLDEN DOME!!!!! THE GOLDEN DOMMMMMMEEEEE!!!" (the dome is probably Notre Dame's most famous landmark for those not in the Fighting Irish know)

Oh you better believe I was excited. The lady sitting next to me asked at one point "is that the college?" (I don't know what she thought it was...what the fuck else looks like that in SOUTH BEND INDIANA?) I turned with a grin from ear to ear and nodded my head like the eager retard I was.

Once I landed, there was a person with a sign for the retreat, so a bunch of us shared a taxi to the campus. And when I got on campus? I ALMOST CRIED. It was jaw droppingly beautiful. At the entrance, there was a patch of grass mowed into the Notre Dame logo. I thought it was amazing. The dorm we were assigned to was gorgeous. The whole day kept getting better and better as it went on, meeting very cool, incredibly sweet people. And also, can I just say this: the GUYS? Oh my God. It was like I had travelled to some parallel universe where ugly guys, hell, even average looking guys, just did not exist. And they were all good little Catholic boys!!! I walked around with the biggest awe-inspired grin on my face the entire time. It was like Christmas. Even though this is very long winded already, I could describe it like this: never has the sensation of being in a dream been so strong for me. I imagine when you first fall in love with a person, the world seems as beautiful as Notre Dame seemed to me on that day.

Hoo, sorry that was so long. Moving on!

2. what would you do for a living if you never had to worry about how much money you made?

I would want to study at Second City in Chicago and, if they thought I was good enough, perform with them.

3. what quality do you admire most in people and why?

A quick wit, especially when the person isn't afraid to make fun of themselves. A good sense of humor shows intelligence and quick thinking on your feet.

From Lauren:

1.) How do you feel about clowns and monkeys?

Clowns: I was never creeped out by them like many people, but I never liked them. I always thought they were stupid and unfunny.

Monkeys: I think they're adorable. They are tres cool. I especially think gorillas are really awesome. If they didn't crap so much, and then proceeded to throw it, I would totally want a chimp as a pet. I would name him Virgil. 1000 "you are totally awesome" points to anyone that knows why.

2.) Are you ever going to post a picture (not that it matters, but ya know people are curious!)?

I hate having my picture taken. I know everyone says that, but I really despise it. A photo of me as about as rare as a photograph of Sasquatch. You guys are really curious??? I find that hard to believe.

3.) Since you've mentioned gay porn before, have you ever seen "Dirty Pool?" (a.k.a. the only gay porn I've ever seen, and that was back in college.. yeah, it was!)

Hehehehe! You dirty dirty girl! See, with me, I am joking about the gay porn obsession! Geez Lauren... I have not seen Dirty Pool. Was it any good? The only gay porn I have seen is Queer as Folk, and like all porn on Showtime (gay or straight), it is quite softcore.

Keep the questions coming, children

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