Hi kids.

I know. I know. I was never supposed to be seen in these parts again.

But...I just love you guys so much, and you left such sweet comments, and it is healthy for my sanity to vent here.

Plus, I have a gold membership that runs until December and my cheap ass can NOT let that go to waste.

Here are some random, disjointed thoughts.

1)If I do say so myself, fuckin a. It is that time of the month, and while usually I'll get a little emotional, this month I'm like motherfucking discount horomone warehouse(tm Strongbad). I have been so emotional. All of a sudden I'll just want to cry for no reason. It creeps me out and I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it!

Things I would rather do than be seen crying:

-vomit

-piss my pants

-vomit and piss my pants

-vomit in front of a stranger

-piss my pants in front of a stranger

-vomit and piss my pants in front of a stranger

2)As if my phobia of public restrooms wasn't strong enough, I recently learned that you can get crabs from toilet seats. That's right...crabs. CRABS! Mother.fucking. PUBIC. LICE. I was not aware of this. I think it is a grossly unfair act of God. You should only be able to get sexually transmitted diseases from HAVING SEX. God.

A visual:

Ewww. Ewww. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I swear. Makes me scream like a banshee.

3)Of course, soon after learning this fact, I had a sandwich that made me have to go to the bathroom approximately every five seconds. There's this place, Gumby's Pizza that I order from. I like them because they have online ordering, and the less human contact I have to have, the better. And everytime I order, I inevitably swear I'll never order from them again. Something always seems to go wrong. Whether it is big (having the driver not see me, even though I am RIGHT THERE and ran after him, then having him yell at me) or small ("aww man, they forgot my ranch dressing?"), it's always something with these people. So I order a sub from there last night, and have totally been regretting it. You see, there was a secret ingredient in this sub that makes you perform what I like to call an ejector seat shit. This is where the volume of the shit multiplied by the sheer force by which it is being released makes you fly off the seat, much like an ejector seat in a plane. Except this isn't Top Gun. It's a bathroom, most likely filled with crabs.

4)Lately I've noticed that some people with big egos should be the ones with the lowest self esteem. I mean...damn. But then again, if this theory was true, why isn't my ego huge?

5)What the FUCK should I do with my life? I'm just wondering. People always say "oh, you're only 18, you've got plenty of time." This? Is absolute bullshit. At least it is if you want to get out of college, ya know, ON TIME. Time is money. Money I don't have. Money I will never have because I'm never going to get a job because I'm never going to graduate college. On the upside, if I am homeless and don't have enough money to feed myself, maybe I'll finally lose weight! "I was so lucky being on the street. That was like, the best diet ever. " (QUICKLY, what movie is that from??? To be fair:the actual line in the movie in not "being on the street", it is "mono")

6)I wanna share something kinda gross with you. The other night, it was really hot in the dorm. Like, "holy shit, Hell would feel like Antartica" hot. So, at around one in the morning when The Roommate had long ago fallen asleep, I decided to take my shirt off. I mean...where was the risk? The heat was messing with my mind, and I thought that would cool me off. So I'm up, playing on the computer, for once NOT looking at guy on guy porn but instead at Weekend Updates from here. Well, The Roommate wakes up and comes in my room to ask me the stupidest question of all time. I didn't have time to put my shirt back on because she didn't knock. I can't imagine how I looked...at one in the morning...sans shirt in front of the computer. What must she have thought I was doing??? Fucking dorms.

7)Here is something else about The Roommate. The first night we met, I was telling her horror stories about The Bitch that came before her. One thing I mentioned was that I had never seen her brush her teeth once, and she had the most horrifying smile ever. Now? The Roommate brushes her teeth about fifteen to thirty times a day. I think she does it just to prove to me that she does indeed brush her teeth. Ya know what? I got it. I got it. Can I please go back to looking at stuff on my computer without my shirt on without having to worry about you bursting in here at random times during the day to brush your teeth? Thanks.

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