Alright. Here's the thing: one of my many many quirks is that I loathe public restrooms, and I get stage fright and can't go if someone else is in there. I only use them if it is an absolute and utter emergency, and even then I only empty my bladder enough to the point where it doesn't feel like it's going to burst and then I'll continue to hold it until I can get to a bathroom I trust.

Well, the thing about Murphree is, I have no say in the matter and I'm forced to use a "community" bathroom. I still make sure no one is in there when I walk in. And if someone happens to walk in while I'm in the middle of...well, hopefully you all know what goes on in bathrooms, I'll stop until she has left(this is also a good way to make sure people are washing their hands)(thankfully, all have).

So tonight I go to use the facilities. I do my requiste check, seemingly empty. Then, just as I'm about to do my thang, I hear noise. Crap. Someone is coming out of the shower. "Oh well," I think to myself. "She's already done, how long can it take to dry off?" Ok, anytime you say "how long can it take?" or "how bad can it be?", you mine as well just bend over and grab your ankles because you've just screwed yourself. Seriously? You should just put yourself in a horror movie, have sex, then as you get up to answer the door when you hear the doorbell ring, say "I'll be right back" to whoever you just had sex with, then "who's there?" when you get to the door. UGH.

I don't know what this girl was doing. I think she wrote her senior thesis, filed her taxes, read War and Peace, and then finally dried off. It was ridiculous.

So, folks, here's some advice. Next time you find yourself in a public restroom and the person in the stall next to you is seemingly getting restless, perhaps she isn't feeling the wrath of some three-bean chili, rather she may get stage fright because she wants to spare you the sound of her...business. So, be kind. Don't take your time.

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