Last night, I went to a bunch of white power websites. I don't know why. I think I started thinking about it when I started thinking about American History X, which is a movie about racism. Anyways, I considered changing my last name to some Aryan name and joining a white supremacy group. Not because I believe in their cause(even though I do agree with some stuff they say), but because I'm desperate to be part of a group. Any group. It's why I wanted to be in a sorority, it's why I wanted to be in a co-ed frat...I just want to be part of something bigger. It seems everyone, even though we're pretty young, has seemed to find a purpose in life. Niki:to write, and to serve our country. Sylvia:to love James. Jacovino:to be a vet. I dunno, I feel kind of lost. Especially since I gave up on the FBI. I just feel like I'm such a friggin waste of space on this Earth. I've always kind of joked about suicide, but lately it's been getting to a scary point where I'm thinking of the different ways to do it. Speaking of suicide, this reminds me of something. Back when I was friends with Liz Kelly, at one point she cut herself(with a butter knife...didn't know that was possible...). I didn't know about it, even though I talked to her every day. Then I read on her online diary that when she cut herself, our mutual friend Josh(that she wouldn't have liked if I hadn't pointed him out) was "the only one that cared." I can't tell you how much that hurt. Like, we're supposed to be "best friends" and then not only does she keep something like that from me, but she acts like if I had known, I wouldn't have cared. Listen, if you're a good enough person to look past my many many many faults and consider me a friend, than I care about you. A whole lot. Don't give me this bullshit that no one does. It pisses me off. Ok,thats enough about that. Liz sucks. I hate her guts.

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