I wish I was at Notre Dame. And I wish my mom took me seriously when I said I wished I was at Notre Dame. It seems that whenever I try to talk to her about how I'm unhappy, she just sees it as something that will pass. But it hasn't passed. I spent years dreaming of Notre Dame and I only saw myself there. Those dreams have yet to go away. I felt God at Notre Dame. At UF, I feel nothing. I look at the things Niki writes in her diary about how things could always be worse. But its really hard to be optimistic and see things that way when everything here sucks and the only thought running through your mind is "when do things get better?" At this point, I find it hard to believe that I'll ever feel like I don't belong at Notre Dame and that I do belong here or anywhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe what it is about Notre Dame that makes it so magical to me, but even when I was close to dying I wanted to be there. That should say something.

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